Escape Domestic Violence NOW!

Ann Landers posted this information recently. Ladies, look it over and take it to heart - if you are in an abusive relationship, you need to leave NOW! It will never get better, so stop wasting your time and get on to the better life you deserve! YOU DESERVE MORE! You will be so glad you left.

Here's what Ann said this week on two different posts:

The number to call to form a safe escape plan is (800) 799-SAFE (7233) -- the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Classic warning signs of an abuser:

(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser presses for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

(2) JEALOUS: excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

(3) CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

(5) ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.

(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

(7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry," or "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.

(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.

(12) RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.

(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.

(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you," then dismisses them with "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it."

Pain makeover – EXTREME acupuncture!

Last weekend, I went to this walk-in clinic, a “pain center,” in my neighborhood for the second time. As I was lying there getting my acupuncture, I thought, “I should blog about this!” Because this is not your ordinary acupuncture! Not in my book, anyway. But perhaps some of you will enlighten me.

Some of you know I have been getting acupuncture for my shoulder arthritis and to prevent migraines. I know! Me! The one with a needle phobia! Trust me, this was a last resort for me, and I was nearing the end of options for migraine relief, so I figured I should give it a shot since it was covered by my insurance. I have been going to see this wonderful Chinese doctor and licensed acupuncturist. She also teaches acupuncture. I am now HOOKED, nay, addicted, to acupuncture. It is the ONLY thing that gets my stubborn neck muscles to relax and literally go limp. I have been to many massage therapists over the years, and all of them have told me I have stubborn muscles that are very tight. I have spots that feel like marbles! Physical therapy is helping me loosen them, but acupuncture is the only thing that releases them.

One time I had a knot in my neck that was causing a mild, constant headache, and I had over a week to go before I could see my regular acupuncturist. So I went to this walk-in clinic. It’s amazing what you’ll let people do to you when your desperate for pain relief!

I walk into the clinic, and I’m the only silly white girl there. All around me are people speaking Chinese – I assume. It could be Korean, but the main doctor is Chinese, he’s an MD and a licensed acupuncturist. Thankfully he and the receptionist speak English. I am welcomed and sit down to wait my turn after I pay and fill out their medical questionnaire. The place is warm and steamy like a sauna, and smells like one too. There’s a hint of bromine and eucalyptus in the air. I can feel my sinuses open up and I can feel my chest filling up with deep, easy breaths. I’m already starting to relax.

The extreme pain makeover begins with “electric stim” therapy for 15 minutes. Little electrodes are placed on the muscles, and you literally get electrified with a small amount of current. It makes the muscles contract and release by pulsing the current. No big scare here, I get it at physical therapy, I had it years ago for whiplash. It sounds terrible and scary, but it feels so good! It starts out as a tickle and then feels like someone is scratching your back. They put a warm compress over it, so you feel pretty loose when it’s done.

But wait! There’s more! Now we go on to the acupuncture. Again, no scare, I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I’m lying on my stomach with my face through the hole, so I can’t see the new twist – electric stim! GAH! I realize the doctor has attached electric stim to some of the needles. Now my head and neck are pulsing and I can feel each needle. It feels so weird but so good! This goes on for 30 minutes. The whole time there are therapists walking around, talking to patients, and snacking on jasmine rice, because I can smell it and I’m getting hungry! When it’s done, I’m now fully loose, dazed, and confused – I am sooooo relaxed.

But wait! There’s more! I’m moved to a massage chair and roughly manhandled for a good 10 minutes. There’s sill that stubborn spot on my neck – so they say, I felt really good. I get 10 minutes of ultrasound and then I’m told thank you and you’re free to go.

I should also mention that this place is an assembly line, since it’s a walk-in clinic. They have 4 tables in one main room and 3 other rooms with one table each – nothing is very private but you’re not undressed, so it doesn’t matter. And there are 3-4 guys walking around from station to station, checking on everyone’s condition, but mostly their timers. Because when the bell rings, you are shuffled off to the next therapy. Gotta keep those tables filled with people!

WOW! All this for fifty bucks?! I was there for over an hour. I pay $50 for an hour massage, but I don’t feel this good afterwards. The first time I left there, I was so grateful my headache was gone. It wasn’t until the second time I went that I realized – wow, you really must be desperate for relief to go through this kind of craziness! It’s a very strange experience. But I highly recommend it! I’m not sure what is traditional acupuncture – I’ve only been exposed to 2 styles so far. But I like the electric stim acupuncture the best! YES! EXTREME PAIN MAKEOVER! They should make a reality TV show about that!

I hate Christmas...I mean, shopping

I am really starting to hate Christmas. But before you call me a big ole “bah, humbug,” please know that I am sad about my hating Christmas.

It started on Halloween, when Bruce and I came home from work and saw Christmas decorations up – the “Main Street” kind – the street lamps and poles were strung with lights and sparkly garland and bows. Meanwhile, kids were out trick-or-treating. It was just wrong. And the day after, in typical New York City fashion, absolutely EVERY store had Christmas decorations up. No half-priced candy sales! Egads, what is this world coming to?!

Is it just me or are you sick of everything showing up earlier every year? Is this some sort of protest against the true “bah, humbugs” who insist on shoving “Happy Holidays” down our throats and complaining about Christmas trees and nativities being displayed? You know, those people who get annoyed when you say “Jesus is the reason for the season?” Well, he is! He’s the reason for the Christmas season. I’m not sure what the other holidays are about, but I’m all for saying “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Hanukah” and “Happy Kwanza” and whatever else is out there. Just put up all of your ethnic decorations and let’s celebrate it ALL!!!

And while we’re celebrating everything, let’s bring back the one holiday that includes every citizen – Thanksgiving. This is a national holiday that everyone can celebrate – in your own way if you want to. If people want to have tacos or lasagna or matzo ball soup on Thanksgiving, just do it. And put up some Thanksgiving decorations while you’re at it. Never before has a holiday been so shafted and forgotten. And it’s all Christmas’ fault! Or I should say, it’s all the retail industry’s fault for pushing Christmas!

Please pretty please bring back Thanksgiving. Bring back the “I ate too much food” and the football and the afternoon trytophan nap. Thanksgiving is too much of a “Black Friday” commercialized shopping experience. Thanksgiving weekend should be about putting up your Christmas decorations.

And bring back Halloween, too. It’s not an evil holiday. What IS evil is the way it has become an excuse for adults to prance around in public wearing lingerie and calling it a “costume.” More and more money every Halloween is being spent on adult costumes and décor. Halloween should be about KIDS in cute little tiger outfits or superhero uniforms, and getting candy!!! Yeah! Let’s give it up for candy! Halloween is quickly going to usurp candy dominance over Easter, if it hasn’t already!

I’m starting to hate Christmas because the shopping rush starts earlier every year. I think this will change and I think it’s already starting to change. The reason Christmas is coming earlier and earlier is because people hate the whole “Black Friday” experience. They’re shopping earlier and the retail industry knows it. Indeed, I read a report recently about shopping trends, and Christmas shopping IS starting earlier. Perhaps Black Friday and the new “Cyber Monday” (the Monday after Thanksgiving) signal the end of the Christmas shopping season. What I hope this means is that people will get so sick of shopping that we will all go back to remembering what all these December holidays are for – and they are NOT for shopping.

My disgust for shopping grows, but not for eggnog! I’m pretty sure all I need to get into the Christmas spirit is some eggnog. It’s hard to hate Christmas when you are gulping down sweet sugary goodness. We should all just sip some eggnog, and enjoy being with the people we love. Let’s slow down and fully savor every holiday, and not focus on the retail experience being shoved upon us.

I hope you will all join me in condemning all the retail stores that have shafted Thanksgiving. Next year, walk in some stores and boldly shout “Hey! Where are all the Thanksgiving decorations?!” Fight the oppressors! And just say no to shopping overindulgence.

Merry Christmas and have a wonderful ChristmaHanukaKwanza.

Green Eggs & Ham for New Hampshire Inmate is Right On!

Give him some SPAM while they’re at it! Inmate Charles Jay Wolff complained about his prison diet by writing a letter to U.S. District Court Judge James Muirhead and Assistant Attorney General Andrew Livernois. He included an egg in each, as he was tired of getting them for his breakfast. Judge Muirhead sent him a letter back, to the tune of Dr. Seuss, but in my opinion, that’s not nearly enough. The guy needs a good slap upside the head.

Wolff's beef is that, being an Orthodox Jew, they need to feed him a kosher diet (he also has a diabetic condition). He is suing them to serve him meals that meet “both his spiritual and medical needs.”

The other part to this story is that Wolff is in prison for sexually assaulting a 7-year old girl. Tell me if I’m wrong, but truly Orthodox Jews don’t go around assaulting little girls. Therefore, it seems to me they shouldn’t have to follow his “spiritual” needs, only his medical ones.

They should serve him a can of whoop ass every morning too. I hope they drop this frivolous lawsuit. And I hope that little girl’s parents mail him an egg – every day. If you can find his address, please post it here so that I can mail him an egg.

Give a Shout Out For Bad Days

Ever have one of those days? I feel like I have a lot of “those days,” so I would like to recount my day today and then you can tell me if you’ve ever had something similar. Because there is nothing like the daily struggle to make you feel alone.

I’m already dealing with migraines, a shoulder injury, and facing the reality that I am getting older, as evidenced by the tiny wrinkles around my eyes. I like to think that life gets easier as you get older, but alas, it does not. For someone like me who has always been clumsy and prone to accidents, the fact that I will one day battle it out on a daily basis with my broken-down body has no appeal whatsoever. As a matter of fact, I feel like the battle has already begun.

It started last night, when I was clipping my toenails and cut myself. I'm jumping around on one leg, searching for the Band-aids, and on one hand I can rejoice that I have not fallen down. On the other hand, I’m laughing because the only Band-aids left are the Spiderman ones my Mom got me for Christmas. Just pathetic. I have to go to bed with Spiderman wrapped around my toe. And Cortaid spots on my arms and legs from spending the weekend at Bruce’s parents’ back yard. Stupid mosquitoes! Why do I gotta be so damn tasty to them?!

I woke up in the middle of the night last night because my shoulder hurt. I moved over to the couch because I was hot, too. Forgot my cell phone, so now I’m running back to bed to shut off the wake up alarm, hoping Bruce isn’t too disturbed by it. Now I’m cranky because there is nothing worse than having to run somewhere when you are half asleep.

In the bathroom, I see that my eyes are all puffy and encrusted with eye boogers. Great, I think to myself, I might have pink eye. Do I wear my contacts and make it worse? Or do I wear my glasses and get a headache because the prescription is old? Luckily, they calm down over breakfast.

My next obstacle is ironing my shirt. There is gunk all over the iron that I have to steam off or else I risk ruining my shirt. I jump in the shower and, amazingly, shave my pits with no incident. I brush my teeth without dropping my toothbrush. I get dressed without hurting myself. I drop the back of my earring but find it under the dresser by aid of my flashlight. Good ole flashlight! He’s like my best friend for life.

My stomach is funny – probably from taking my vitamins. On the way to the subway, I have to beg money off of Bruce because I’m penniless. The first bodega I go into has no regular ginger ale – just something called “tropical fantasy” ginger ale. Remember, I’m cranky from lack of sleep, so I’m ready to go off, “WTF?!!! Why can’t they have normal ginger ale?!!!” The next place I go into, I almost slip and break my next on the layer of grease that coats the floor. No one seems to want to take my money, so I just lay it on the counter and leave in a huff.

The rest of my morning consists of the usual sidewalk jockeying among slow pedestrians and getting a leg cramp at the top of the stairs. Whew. At least I didn’t stub my toe today. That’s the worst! But then, the day is still young.

This is not my worst day ever, but I do wonder if some people have more of them than others. And do they get more frequent with age? Please share your “worst day ever” stories so I won’t feel alone. Thanks!

Tragedy in Newark all the more sad due to immigration law

Unless you live in a cave, you’ve heard about high school murders in Newark, NJ. At this writing, there is no known motive for the attack on 4 black students, all shot execution-style to the back of the head. Three died and one miraculously lived.

If you read the press about this story, you’ll be depressed about the finger pointing. One report states: “The killings have raised questions about whether local authorities should examine a suspect’s immigration status.” A spokesman for Attorney General Anne Milgram said Milgram “will issue a new directive to law enforcement agencies…(to) specify the circumstances under which law enforcement officers should notify federal immigration authorities.” Apparently, this is not already done for all suspects. TV shows like "CSI" and "Law & Order" always show all forms of law enforcement working together and running ID checks through all sorts of databases. I’m surprised to learn thorough checks are not the norm for anyone taken into custody.

I understand that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. But if you happen to be caught, I think we should check to see if you are guilty of something else and process accordingly. For example, one Newark report states: “(suspect) Jose Carranza, is an illegal immigrant from Peru who had been arrested twice previously on aggravated assault, weapons and child sexual assault charges. Authorities said they never checked his immigration status; he was out on bail at the time of the killings.”

Perhaps he would still be in jail, had that immigration check been done. Perhaps those Newark high schoolers would still be alive, had that immigration check been done and Carranza been kept in jail – or better yet, deported.

I understand that immigration status has nothing to do with whether or not a crime will be committed by someone. But if Carranza is found guilty, than I think we have a lot to think about. Because it seems to me that if we can check for dangerous people and get rid of them because they are illegal, then we should deport those people. We have enough dangerous people here legally.

In the end, all of this debate is little comfort to the black community that already knows most crimes and most violent crimes are committed against blacks. In the end, their question is “what can be done to prevent crime against us?” It seems to me that being on the lookout for illegal, dangerous people is a start.

This debate also does not bode well for the Hispanic community lobbying for easier, faster immigration into this country. We all know that just one bad apple spoils it for the rest. Let’s hope that’s not the case here. But increasing stories of violent drug-related activity in Mexico and South American countries creeping into the U.S. is going to stymie the efforts of easier, faster immigration.

Why Men Are The Weaker Sex

Ah, the power of boobs! Men are powerless against them. They simply cannot control their eyes, thoughts, and emotions when confronted by ta-tas. Where is my proof, you ask? Consider the following:

* Even though we all know sex sells, store mannequins are hardly ever seen naked, and ads for bras never show nipples. Men cannot handle boobs.

* In Arab countries, Muslim women must be covered up from head to toe. Arab men definitely cannot handle boobs.

* Men can go topless, but women can’t. This is why some towns have strip clubs that only allow dancers to go down to underwear. Interesting aside: women can now go topless in New York City. So far, there has only been one news story about one brave woman. Call me old-fashioned, but women are inviting trouble by asking for equality on this issue, because men cannot handle boobs.

And the icing on the cake:
* German bus driver threatens to throw a woman off the bus because, and I quote, “Your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can't concentrate.” See the full story below.

This is why men are the weaker sex. I double dog dare you to offer a rebuttal.

Happy summer! --Alison

"Too sexy for my bus", German woman told

Mon Jul 16, 2007, BERLIN (Reuters) - A German bus driver threatened to throw a 20-year-old sales clerk off his bus in the southern town of Lindau because he said she was too sexy, a newspaper reported on Monday.

"Suddenly he stopped the bus," the woman named Debora C. told Bild newspaper. "He opened the door and shouted at me 'Your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can't concentrate on the traffic. If you don't sit somewhere else, I'm going to have to throw you off the bus.'"

The woman, pictured in Bild wearing her snug-fitting summer clothes with the plunging neckline, said she moved to another seat but was humiliated by the bus driver.

A spokesman for the bus company defended the driver.

"The bus driver is allowed to do that and he did the right thing," the spokesman said. "A bus driver cannot be distracted because it's a danger to the safety of all the passengers."